


Almost Like Home

by handsometabbyc



Category: Planes Trains and Automobiles (1987)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2018-09-01 12:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8623762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handsometabbyc/pseuds/handsometabbyc
Summary: Neal goes through a separation with his wife and ends up developing feelings for Del in the midst of it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Silly little romance fic I had an idea for a while back (albeit involving separation/divorce...so little bit of angst in there to I guess?) Might continue with it, might not

Neal and his wife had been going through some hard times lately, relationship wise. To the point were words like 'custody' and 'alimony' were starting to be thrown around in the strained discussions that passed for conversation between them.

Not that they had many opportunities to talk at all lately, he’d since moved out of the house at this point. He got himself an apartment that was, granted, below his standards, but it did have an extra room for the kids to stay in when they came over on the weekends which was a plus.

He didn’t understand how this had happened, things hadn’t been perfect but he’d always assumed they’d turn out alright. Neal had always made it a point to lead a calculated ‘predictable’ life. It wasn’t exciting, some might call it downright boring, but it was dependable. He didn’t have to worry about it crapping out on him.

Though in hindsight he supposed this was predictable in a way. Everything in his life fell into a boring foreseeable pattern, even when it was falling apart. And it made this all the more frustrating.

“I’ve always been so careful. So committed to doing what I thought was the right thing.” He commented to Del as he stared out the window into the dismal city street.

Del had dropped by the apartment for the first time for a visit on his way to ‘home base’ as he called work, and sat uncomfortably on his couch, fidgeting with the beer Neal had handed him. This hadn’t been what he expected when he had the idea to call Neal at work and ask if he could drop by.

“…Is that why you always seem so wound up?” He joked. Neal glared at him a bit over his shoulder and Del laughed sheepishly. “…Sorry.”

“I’m glad you stopped by, it feels like I hardly ever get to see you.” Neal said, sitting on the other side of the couch from him.

“Apparently. It’s seemed like you were fine last I saw you, and now this? Thank goodness I got in touch, a couple more months you would’ve quit your job to run away and join the circus.”

“As appealing as that sounds, I really can’t afford it given the impending divorce.” Neal said dryly.

“Wait a second, I was under the impression it was just a separation.” Del said with a little frown. “…Or at least I was hoping I suppose.”

Neal shrugged nonchalantly. “Might as well use the D word, Susan wants to get it over with. I guess I get that, it has been six months.” He said heavily.

Del was in the middle of taking a drink and started hacking on it in surprise. “…Six months? Jeez, it can’t have been that long since I’ve seen you.” He finally said when he regained the ability to speak.

“No, only four actually, remember when I ran into you awhile ago when you were in Chicago? I just didn’t get around to…mentioning it.”

“You know we could’ve talked to about it.” Del said, sounding deeply concerned in the way only he could.

“I know, I know. It seems silly now but I guess I was still hoping it’d get fixed. You’re always going on about what a great life I have, I guess…I didn’t want to disappoint you. It’s hard to explain…I guess I’ve never understood why we sustained something of a friendship. Your…I don’t know, nice, you care about people. I’ve always been a bit of a self-absorbed jerk. My marriage crumbling to bits is just a confirmation of that.”

“That’s ridiculous Neal…sometimes things don’t work out. You can’t blame yourself for this, I mean sure you can be a tightass workaholic sometimes-“

“Gee thanks.” Muttered Neal.

“-but I believe you’re a genuinely decent person.”

He was quiet a little too long so Del pressed on, chuckling uncomfortably. “Honestly I don’t know why we stayed friends, it’s the greatest mystery since the Bermuda triangle. My best guess is its some form of Stockholm syndrome.”

“I know what you mean.” Neal said with a laugh.

"…Part of me always ended up missing you I guess. What can I say, I like you’re company.” Del said, taking a slug of his beer, peering forward pensively. “There’s a sense of stability of being able to call you up and get together over lunch or a drink. I like being on the road…but I need that sometimes.”

“You have other friends I’m sure.” Neal said.

“Yeah, but with you it’s different I guess. Maybe it’s because Chicago is the closest thing to home for me now. Or maybe it’s because I haven’t felt that way since…I don’t know, it’s just nice.”

The words ‘hadn’t felt that way since’ held a heavy implication, and Neal felt a kind of acid in his gut, a collision of feelings: dread, and perhaps…hope? Was that was that was? A dim familiar light that cut through his own self-hatred and questioning that made him, for once, a little surer of himself.

He glanced over at Del’s trunk, siting by the door, its presence was hard to ignore and yet Neal hadn’t thought to ask. He always associated the damn thing with Del, but when he did think about it it seemed odd that he hadn’t just left it at whatever motel room he was staying at.

“…Were you planning on spending the night?” Neal inquired, giving a pointed look at the trunk.

“Oh yeah…” Del laughed nervously. “...that's the other thing, I'm a little short on cash so I was wondering-"

"If you could stay here? Sure." Neal said without a second thought. “The couch isn’t particularly comfortable but the beds alright…it isn’t like we haven’t shared before.”

“Naw, I'm fine with the couch…” Del said with a nervous chuckle. “I think I can manage. I appreciate it that though. And I appreciate you letting me stay here."

“Don’t mention it.” Neal said with a smile.

They talked a little while longer, eventually calling it a night, Neal surrendering to his bedroom and Del to the aforementioned couch.

A few hours later though Neal felt the bed shift, a glanced over his shoulder to see Del, no more than a large silhouette in the darkness. He muttered something about his back before sinking into the bed. Neal was mildly annoyed at being woken but Del fell back asleep fast enough anyway, so he did too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprised I'm updating this ( especially in march, it being a holiday movie and all?) But I got inexplicably inspired to start working on it again.

He was woken again by a sudden absence of warmth. He wasn’t aware when it had come but now it was gone and he missed it.

He considered the possibility that he’d been dreaming but then remembered Del was here, and decided to take up his offer to share the bed, some thing he realized now was probably crazy of him to do, but made sense at the time: even a shared bed was more comfortable then the couch.

It was only 4:45 at the time, so he decided to go back to sleep, only to be abruptly torn from sleep an hour later by the sound of something smashing on the kitchen tile.

He grabbed his robe and put on slippers, shuffling to the kitchen. Del was there, already fully dressed and kneeling down to pick up broken pieces of a mug and he stared blurrily at the sight trying to come grips with it.

“Oh, hey.” Del said, glancing over his shoulder at him and standing back up. “I’m sorry if I woke you, and uh…” he gestured to the fragments. “…Broke your mug.”

“I had to get up for work anyway and I wasn’t attached to the mug.” He said, bewildered. “…Don’t move I’ll get the dust pan.”

“It’s no trouble, I’ve got it…”

“You’re going to cut yourself doing it that way, please, let me.”

“…What, am I one of your god damn kids or something?” Del said with mild annoyance as he tossed the fragments he'd held in the trash and Neal swept the rest up, giving him a confused look.

“…Cause your acting like it.”

Neal straightened up, dumping the rest of what used to be a mug in the trash. “…It’s my house, I know where things are, I figured it’d just be easier. Something eating you?”

“What? No, everything’s fine.” Del said dismissively. “I made coffee. Would’ve made breakfast but uh…you don’t really have anything.”

"I usually go shopping before the weekends. That's a nice gesture though, if you want to go out for something..."

“No, I’ve got to bounce anyway, I’ll grab something along the way.” He insisted quickly,his unease confirming the validity of something Neal had been wondering was a dream. A nice dream frankly, even if he had a hard time admiting it to himself.

“Look…Del, I’m not sure how to bring this up, but it’s about what happened last night…”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.” Del said disappointingly, pouring a cup of coffee and handing it to Neal. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it’s just instinctive I guess. Not like…you know…”

“No, of course not.” Neal added quickly, taking the coffee. “I assumed as much, and it’s fine. I mean, it’s not ‘fine,’ but it doesn’t bother me…and I understand…am I making sense?”

“Yes and no…but that’s still strangely reassuring.” Del said, though he didn’t sound very convincing. “I mean it not like either of us thought…”

Neal let out a laugh that felt a little too forced. “…No, of course not.”

\---

In hindsight he felt it might’ve been better not to say anything. He wasn’t sure why he had, maybe he’d wanted to be ‘reassuring’ as Del had put it. The night had strangely given him a sense of ease he hadn’t felt it a while, maybe he wanted to pass that along.

…Or maybe Del had rubbed off on him and he just couldn’t stop the words from bubbling out of him.

Whatever it was he didn’t really want to think about it, so he threw himself into work, and, when he could, spending time with the kids. He was doing a fairly good job of it until Del managed to make his way somehow into a work conversation. 

“Hey, did you see that meeting we have with Interior International to discuss ad layouts promoting the company they recently acquired?” John said, dropping by his office.

“I glanced at it, it didn’t really strike me as that notable.” Neal replies to his coworker as he looked up from some story boards for a TV commercial.

“Unless I’m mistaken that company is the one that goofball friend of yours works at. The one you got saddled with that one thanksgiving?”

Neal frowned, opening up his schedule and flipped to the meeting in question. ‘ _American Light and Fixture’_ it said, written in his own handwriting, and laughed a little. “Your right, I’ve been so busy and the name's so generic didn’t even really notice.”

“You still keep in touch with him?”

Neal assessed for a second how to answer that. It had been a couple of weeks since he’d last heard from him, not something that was out of the ordinary but admittedly he felt a bit more resentful about it than usual. “Not exactly, we might get a drink once in a blue moon.” Neal dismissed. “…probably for the best, the man is chaos incarnate.”

“That’s a good point, it’s not like you need any more trouble. With, you know…”

“Right.” Neal said with a hard tone, trying to send the hint that he didn’t really want to talk about it but john didn’t seem to catch on.

“I tell you, these situations really bring out the true character of some woman, it can get ugly.”

“Susan isn’t like that, we’ve discussed how we want to do things.” Neal said testily.

John chuckled as he started to finally leave. “…That’s what they all say.”

Neal had to sit there for a moment, suppress the urge not to call his soon to be ex-wife to be for reassurance, as silly as it felt to do so at this point. Instead something dawned on him: why did Del have to always call, why couldn’t he just call him?

He picked up the phone and started to punch the number in the still open schedule book under ‘ _American Light and fixture’_. Half way through he almost chickened out but he powered on.

“…Hi, I’m trying to reach one of your employees, Del Griffith. Do you have a number I could reach him at?” Neal pursed his lips a bit in annoyance as the person on the other side of the line insisted they couldn’t.

“…Could you have him call me back then?...My name’s Neal Page, and he has my number…Thanks.”

He’d just started to focus on his work again when the phone interrupted him a half an hour later. “Page speaking.” He said practically on instinct after picking it up.  

“Neal! Hey.” A familiar voice on the other end of the line answered cheerily.

“That was fast.” He replied with amusement.

“Well I would’ve gotten back to you sooner but I was out to lunch, just got back to home base.” Del said.

“That’s…are you in town?” Neal said in confusion.

 “We’ll I’m barely here really.” Del replied sheepishly. “Just in and out, headed to Boise.”

Neal had to smile a little at that. “…It’s hard to guess where you are at any given time, be it Boise or…I don’t know, here.”

“Yeah, well, I would’ve called, I mean, in general, I know it been awhile…but…”

“I freaked you out?” Neal said with a little wince.

“I think I would’ve been freaked regardless it’s…complicated.”

 An awkward lull hung between them so Neal pressed on with another subject. “…Anyway, me and a coworker were just talking about you, in relation to work I mean. I heard your company got brought out.”

“How the hell did that come up?”

“Marketing stuff, they want to put out some advertising.” Neal replied. “…I was wondering how you fared in the changeover.”

“Oh, I’m…I’m safe as far as I know. That’s why I’m here, just here going over some minor technicalities…thanks for asking though.”

He half expected Del to make some excuse about getting off the phone at that point, but he surprised him. “…You know if you aren’t busy tonight I know a good sports bar around here that serves some mean garlic fries.”

 “As enticing as that sounds I have the kids tonight actually.” An idea dawned on him. “…We’re going bowling if you want to join.”

“Oh, I couldn’t, you probably don’t get to spend much time with them anyway nowadays.”

“Please, you’d be doing me a favor, things have been weird with the kids ever since the separation. They like you, it’d be a nice distraction.”

“I can’t argue with that then, looking forward to it.” Del relented, and to Neal’s relief he sounded genuine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please feel free to share feedback about/what you thought! fyi, I'm defiantly going to update this soon. I mean, not 'soon' soon since I'm not exactly the fastest writer, but I can see it coming with the next few weeks. (Defiantly sooner then four months lol.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...so this took longer then I thought (what ended up happening was I realized my plot didn't really work so I had to do some tweaking.) but yay, update! And I have all the names of the kids! which should be the bare minimum, but I surprisingly didn't know the names of either of the boys. 
> 
> I think that might have something to do with the fact they're only mentioned in the last scene and that sad 'I'm totally happy' face that Del makes at the end always steals the show for me. (but hey, I must not be the only one because the youngest son doesn't seem to be even listed with the cast on imdb.)

It was an impulsive idea but once he’d said it he realized it was true. Having Del come bowling with them would be a good buffer,mainly from his own discomfort. Because he had to admit half the problem was him getting nervous around the kids.

Because having Del around would take part of the focus off him, the kid’s had always liked him after all and were excited when they learned he was coming. Really if anyone asked why he’d been so eager to insist he tag along Neal would insist it was because of that. They adored the man for whatever reason and were always asking when they’d get to see him again, something his youngest son, Seth, brought up on that occasion in fact.

“Why don’t we ever get to see uncle Del?” he asked as they waited their turn and cheered the others on. ‘Uncle Del’, he wasn’t a hundred percent sure who came up with that one. Maybe Susan, maybe Del himself, whoever it was it was fitting.

They had been standing in the sidelines watching as Del was showing Marti, his daughter, some techniques. That had led to him going on some long winded shpeal about making the perfect strike to his daughter that sounded so much like bullshit Neal had to smile. Del caught him looking at them and smiled back a bit before turning his attention back to his lecture, and as he did Neal could swear he was blushing a bit.

 “…It’s his job, he has to travel a lot.” Neal answered.

“Like you?”

Neal laughed a little at that. “Not exactly, he goes to different places to sell people things. I go to different places to help people sell things.”

“Am I going to see him even less now that…you know…you a Mom aren’t together anymore?” He asked reluctantly. He'd gotten so big in the last two years since Del had burst into their lives, almost six and already brimming with awkward questions.

Neal made a point to look directly at him, forming his face in what he hoped was a reassuring expression. “I doubt that, your Uncle Del loves spending time with you guys. We’ll work out something.”

“I bet it would be easier if you’d just stay put. That’s what Junior says.” He said, referring to his older brother, Neal Jr, who had gone off to find the restroom.

“I wish—“ He started, but Luckily Marti sunk a spare at that moment and the conversation that seemed inappropriately somber for a bowling alley was quickly dropped, saving him from having to provide one of his usual clumsy responses.

He wanted to insist that he’d ‘really been trying, and would try,’ but he imagined it wouldn’t sound good, nor did he want to say anything he couldn’t be sure of. He’d try to cut down on hours but in the end the job was still demanding. He’d just have to ignore the feeling he was missing out and remember how his children benefited from him earning a decent living.

\---

“This was nice, thanks for inviting me.” Del said later before he was about to leave, the kids in the arcade already having said their goodbyes to him. They stood in the lobby, the sound of the video games and pinball machines droning on behind them.

“Well like I said, you’re doing me a favor. The kids really like you, you’re…weirdly good with them.”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“I don’t know, your normally so…so…I don’t know, crass?” He laughed to himself. “I guess when you really think about it it makes sense. I hate to say it, but I’m honestly a little jealous.”

“Aw don’t be, I’m sure the awkwardness is only temporary, at the end of the day they’re still your kids.”

He felt a stab of guilt as he remembered Del mentioning how he’d always wanted kids but Marie couldn’t have them. He almost wanted to apologize but that only seemed like it would make things worse. “Right. So your headed to uh…Boise now huh?”

“…About that.” Del said with an uncomfortable smile, a Neal felt a serge of anger.

“You lost your job didn’t you?” He said, trying not to sound to accusatory, he wasn’t mad at Del this time after all. “Christ, I knew it, those bastards…”

“I didn’t…well they didn’t fire me anyway, it was a relocation sort of deal. They had a couple of sales rep openings in their main office in Boise. Desk job basically, working the phone.”

“That sounds like something you’d hate.” Neal said with concern. “No offence, I mean it is work…”

“Oh no, you’re right, I know I’d hate it.” He said with a shrug. “I mean, I was thinking about accepting it, it being steady work and all, but then you called and I don’t know…It reminded how much I love this city.”

“You based your decision simply...based on the fact that i called?” Neal said with disbelief.

“I was on the fence anyway.” He said nonchalantly. “…So I turned on my heals, told them thanks but no thanks, and asked around and turns out a buddy of mine who owns a car lot has been looking for a replacement for one of his sales guys for a while.”

“Jesus, its…it’s barely been six hours.” Neal said in amazement, and Del gestured helplessly, laughing a little.

“I uh…I got lucky.” He said.

“Lucky is a good night in Vegas. What you are is…miraculous sometimes.” He shook his head, then grimaced a bit. “Well, then okay sometimes there’s a reasonable explanation…”

“Oh don’t tell me you’re not still pissed about the car thing.”

“Oh I’m not, but my credit’s certainly still recovering. I was lucky to get an apartment.” He chided him before changing the topic. “Used car salesman, why does which sound just like you?”

“Asshole.” Del muttered, smirking a little.

“You know what I mean.” Neal said lowly, smirking back. There was something inexplicably intimate about the moment, evoking a feeling he’d felt the other night that twisted him up. “…People like buying crap from you because you make them happy. You…appeal to their better nature I mean.”

 Del scoffed at that. “…Least I’m not a jerk.”

Neal shrugged a bit. “No arguments here.”

“Though I mean, in all seriousness you can be nice sometimes. You inviting me bowling for instance.”

“Anytime, and I uh…” Neal felt himself faltering a bit. “…It would be great if we could still get that drink you mentioned.”

“Right. Especially since I don’t have an excuse to flake on you for a month now.” Del said as he started turning to go.

 “So you admit it?” Neal teased, earning an odd look from Del.

“…I’ll see you around Neal.”

“Right, see you.”

The smile he wore faded and his shoulders slacked when Del had left, like some sadistic puppeteer had been controlling him. ‘ _So you admit it?’_ …Why the hell had he said that?  

He sighed, leaning against a wall next to a video game poster, rubbing his face hoping the kids wouldn’t chose that moment to come running back so he could have a minute to get himself straightened out.

 He listened hard to the arcade again, specifically laughter and excited jabbering coming from it, and he swore he could almost make out the voices of his children. Despite reeling from his awkward last words with Del he had to smile to himself, because overall it actually had been a good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, updates are sporadic but they do happen, so check back!


	4. Chapter 4

“Swiftly’s is a dumb name for a used car lot.” Neal commented, gestured toward the beautifully painted, though faded and weathered sign. They were sitting int he rest area behind the main office building of the car dealership Del worked at, Neal had dropped by out of curiosity and Del ended up convincing him to stay for lunch.

“It was the original guy’s last name.” Del insisted.

“Perhaps, but it would just be more fitting for something where speed is a benefit. In reference to selling cars it sounds like your giving people the bum’s rush because you’re trying to get your cars off the lot before they can think too hard.”

“You saying my wares are crappy mister?” Del said with a good natured smile that made Neal’s breath hitch in a way that was uncomfortably familiar, but as per usual he ignored the feeling in favor of delivering a snippy retort.

“No…you’re just the one shilling them.”

“Oldies but goodies.” Del replied, winking as he made a finger gun motion at Neal. “And you have to admit, it has a nice ring to it.”

 “Page’s auto also has a good ring to it, doesn’t mean it wouldn't be a better name for a bookstore or something.”

“I don’t know, it could work: 'I’m Neal Page and you can take a page from my book, we got the best deals in town.'” He said in a bad imitation of Neal, which Neal couldn’t help but burst out laughing at, and Del gave a proud little smile back.

“How long you been sitting on that one?” Neal said after he composed himself.

“Awhile, you’ve always struck me as the type who can pull off the sleazeball salesman look well: bit of pomade and a plaid suit and you’d be in business.”

“You’ve never told me you thought that.” Neal said with surprise.

“Ah…I guess I figured you’d be offended by it.”

“That would be my initial reaction, but I get the impression you don’t mean it as an insult.” Neal said in slow realization, and Del laughed sheepishly.

“…I guess I just can see it under the professional high class thing you’ve got going. Then again who knows, maybe I’m seeing what I want to see. I relate more to that guy, he isn’t as…I don’t know, intimidating.”

“You’re intimidated by me?”

“Not so much anymore…But yes.”

He couldn’t get a firm grasp of it: the image of himself in a cheap suit leering at himself in the mirror as he slicked his hair back just seemed so alien. Was that how Del saw him? Or alternatively, how Del would’ve preferred he’d be like?

He supposed at another time he’d be annoyed by that prospect, but now he almost felt disappointed, as if he was somehow being rejected.

Not that Sleazy Neal would care, he thought bitterly. He’d be too busy doing other things like chasing bimbos with nice racks or hot wiring cars, invulnerable to the snares of confusion Normal Neal been falling into as of late. Same thing would go for the divorce, it would just roll off Sleazy Neal's back. No doubt from practice, the bastard probably would’ve have been on his third marriage by now.

“…Your still thinking about it aren’t you?” Del said with concern. “You’re uh…making that face that you make when you get pissed.”

“I’m just not sure I like this sleazy Neal, he seems like a jerk and I don’t know what you see in him.” Neal said testily. "I mean...would see in him." He added quickly.

“Jesus, are you jealous of a hypothetical version of you?” Del said, amused. “I didn’t mean…I seriously didn’t think you would take it that way.”

“What? I’m not jealous.” Neal said defensively. “I’m just saying that sounds like the kind of guy who would steal your TV to pay off his bookie.”

Del tusked helplessly. “Well I meant I like that aspect of you.  If it makes you feel any better I assure you I wouldn’t be friends with that guy.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course you would.” Neal replied.

“Okay, maybe…” Del relented. “But I wouldn't trust him. Not that it matters because he isn't real."

Neal chuckled embarrassedly. “…Sorry, I’m being ridiculous aren’t I?"

“Honestly I prefer it to you getting insulted and storming off in a huff.”

“Even if I was I think I’d be reluctant, it’s too nice a day to be angry.” He replied, rolling his shoulders, enjoying the sunshine and the smell of grass that he'd guess had been cut that morning. It wasn’t in the best part of town but it was surprisingly OK for a used car lot. It was a nice chance from the office and for a second he felt envious of the hypothetical Neal who apparently had his own car lot and made bad puns about his name.

For a second anyway, he loved his job. Well, he didn’t ‘love’ love it, but it wasn’t exactly soul suckingly unbearable and it made good money. “…I really should get out more for lunch. This is…really nice.”

“Didn’t I tell you?” Del gloated. “My neck of the woods isn’t so bad.”

“Yeah, parts of it.” Neal said pointedly. “That apartment building you live in on the other hand gives me the wiles.”

Del laughed nervously. “Funny you should mention that…My place is actually being treated for pests.” He said.

Neal chuckled at that, to which Del glared. “Hey, at least their treating it.” He said defensively.

“I guess you’ve got a point there.” Neal said with a shrug. “So…basically you need a place to stay?”

“Just for a couple of days, starting Wednesday, tomorrow.” Del said. “I know things are complicated already with the kids…”

“It’s no problem, they’re only there on the weekends. Not even this weekend though, they’re visiting their grandparents.”

“We’ll…thanks.” Said Del, sounding surprised and almost…disappointed he'd offered perhaps? Neal was vaguely aware that Del really couldn’t afford a motel room, but maybe part of him was hoping he’d tell him he couldn't stay?

Not that blamed him after what had happened last time.

“No problem. As luck would have I just got a pullout couch too.” He added quickly.

Del laughed in noticeable relief. “Nice.”

“I had a friend who was replacing his and thought he’d throw me a bone.” Neal continued dryly.

“I’m…sorry?” Del said, sounding baffled. “It’s a goddamn free couch, why so bitter?”

“He was feeling sorry for me, I’m ‘that’ guy to people now. The sad divorcee whose struggling to make ends meet because he got screwed over.”

“I thought you said you were okay with the divorce arrangements.” Del said with concern.

“Of course, I’m not a god damn deadbeat.” Neal said with disgust. “I just don’t like people thinking of me as some kind of loser, you know?”

“I really don’t have an answer for that…though if it helps I for one find your actions admirable, and if those jerks don’t-“

“They’re not really my friends?” Neal finished in mocking amusement.

“…I was going to say they can all go to hell actually.”

Neal grinned. “That…that actually sounds a lot better.”

Someone called from the lot and Del sighed with dismay. “Looks like I gotta get back to work.”

“Same here.” He said as they both got up. “So uh…I’ll see you tomorrow then…” He groaned in realization. “Shoot, I think I’m working late then. Tell you what...” He pulled out his keys, working one off the ring. "Here's a key to the apartment, just let yourself in."

“Alright, but just so you know you work too hard, its sometimes concerning.” Del called after Neal who was already booking it to his car.

“I didn’t take a working lunch did I?” Neal called out jovially over his shoulder.

He cut through the car lot to get to his car, and as he did a couple intercepted him, accosting him with questions. He jumped back, holding his hands up in mild alarm, something that sounded like _I don’t work here_ and jacked his thumb in Del’s direction before continuing moodily on his way.

And Del had to laugh at that, because damn if he didn’t look the part after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I update this sporadically, but I do update, so hit that subscribe button and you'll get a crazy helpful email notification the second I do


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally getting closer and closer to the time of year when it isn't weird to be writing a fic for a movie that takes place on the holidays! Yay! 
> 
> I posted this...I think around last year's thanksgiving, so it would be nice to finish it around the same time this year. I don't know if I'm going to make it, there'll be at least a good few more chapters to get to the conclusion I want, but I defiantly am gonna try. (what's probably going to happen is I'm going to settle for 'while its still winter' which means February.)

As Neal walked up the stairs to his apartment, it occurred to him this was the first time in a while he was coming home and someone was actually there. Not that he was looking forward to arriving home, he was honestly feeling a little cautious about what he’d find.

What he found was Del siting at the couch, and aside from his usual array of random things spread around his general area, the apartment looked fairly intact.

Del looked up from the TV and scoffed a little. “Your home.”

“I told you I’d be late.” He replied, hanging up his hat and coat as he glanced at the TV, some sports aftershow was on.

“Naw, I mean you’re sooner than I thought…I was going to whip us up some grub.”

“Oh, you really don’t have to go to the trouble…” Neal said, almost in reluctance of whatever Del intended to ‘whip up.’

“Believe me, it’s no trouble, I was gonna make some S.O.S.” he said as he got up, walking past Neal to the kitchen.

Resigned after a difficult day that had involved haggling with the lawyer over the divorce, he gave in, sitting down at the table as Del set to work grabbing some items from the refrigerator and cupboard: an onion, flour, package of what looked like beef scraps…

“I don’t remember getting that.” He commented as Del pulled out the last item.

“I did, because you’re still hopeless at getting anything.” Del answered. “Did your wife just do all the cooking or something?”

“I can cook this and that, I just don’t really bother when it’s just for me.” Neal answered. “…Still getting used to doing household duties on my own.”

"I feel you there, didn't have to do a lot of that stuff on the road. But it's coming back to me. You’ve got bread right?”

“In the wooden box on top of the fridge…are you making chipped beef on toast?”

“That’s what I meant by S.O.S.” Del said. “My Pop was in the military, I think that’s where it came from. Good especially when you’re in a pickle for fixins’.”

“Well it sounds better than I was imagining.”

Del gave him a stink eye and Neal winced a little. “…Sorry, that was a little harsh wasn’t it?”

“Just for that you’re on onion duty.” Del answered good naturally.

“Alright, but this means we have to throw some broccoli in.”

“You don’t have any broccoli…” Del said dismissively and as he was speaking Neal opened the fridge, pulling out a bag of birdseye brand frozen florets.

“It’s going to ruin it, but it’s your goddamn kitchen.” Del relented.

It didn’t end up ruining it, as Del resentfully admitted later after they were finished.

“Do you cook anything else?” Neal asked as he cleaned up, Del leaning against the counter.

“Oh, little bit of everything. Learned some stuff from my dad but mostly from my mother, she had a knack for it and it sorta rubbed off on me."

“You are just full of surprises.” Neal said, giving him a little nudge. Del shrugged dismissively.

“Thank you kindly mister.” He managed in a hokey cowboy voice. “I surely do try my best.”

As he laughed helplessly in response at that, almost politely, the moment didn't feel real. As if they'd slipped into so dream world painted a strange hue of gold from the dim kitchen lights and street outside, and nothing that he did or might do mattered.

"Well I'm glad you cooked tonight, it was good. And I'm definitely going to borrow the idea for when the kids are over. It seems like something fairly foolproof, which is always something I can use."

"...I thought you weren't that bad."

"I didn't say that...but simplicity doesn’t hurt. Like I've said, I'm a nervous wreck around the kids nowadays." He said as he leaned against the counter next to Del, satisfied enough with the state of the kitchen.

Del grumbled sympathetically, giving his shoulder brief squeeze. "...I'm sure it'll pan out."

"Yeah, but pan out into what?" Neal said with a smirk.

"You know what I fucking mean asshole." Del said through laughter, and Neal found himself nervously joining again.

They looked at each other for too long and said too little. The only sound was the city noises outside and a grumpy neighbor trudging softly above, the awkward laughter they’d been sharing fading.

Normally either one or both would’ve looked away, but there was just something about the moment that made them linger.

 Maybe that’s why he gave Del the look the look that he did, like someone he was smitten with. Who he was really glad was here after all despite dreading this evening just a little. Because despite how he thought he would feel spending time with Del it always ended up alright.

“…Don’t look at me like that.” Del said, pulling him out of the warm haze he’d been in.

“Like what?” Neal asked, crossing his arms protectively across himself.

“That dreamy eyed look you were giving me. Like I was some big deal. Like I was…you know what, just forget I said anything. We’ll just, I don't know, call it a night.”

As Del pulled away Neal quickly reached for his arm, the look of fear on Del's face as he did almost chilling. It felt like some small miracle he didn't just give up then. 

"We don't have too." Neal answered, a little too quickly, too desperately."Because, well...you are a big deal to me."  Maybe he should feel more cautious, at least prouder then this. But perhaps he was just too tired to be dignified. He wondered for a second if he'd put away his pride when it came to the divorce he'd still be there now.

But he knew when it came to that the spirit wasn't there any there and he just be faking it...this was somehow the opposite.

Del sighed with dismay. "Don't say that. It's been...well it’s been too long for me and you're-"

"What?"

"Complicated." Del said reluctantly. "Don’t get me wrong, I admit it would be nice just to get lost in that after so long, but your just so complicated. And I’m not just talking about the divorce, you're just a tightly wound cluster fuck of a person and me..." He sadly laughed a little, "I'm just a mess.  Especially since...lately I've been thinking…I don’t know, that sort of thing wouldn’t be so bad which is just so crazy-"

 "Del." Neal interrupted quickly as he took his hand in in both of his, facing him so he could look him straight in the eye. "Stop thinking so hard, you’re spinning out."

"See?" Del said quietly with a sheepish smile, placing his other hand against Neal’s cheek, looking at him sadly as if he felt he had to argue against this but didn't want to. “I’m a mess.”

"In case you haven't noticed I haven't been much better lately. Did you take a good look at my apartment?”

Del huffed a bit, moving his hand so he could stroke the back of Neal’s neck. “…It is a bit subpar, even from an optimistic standpoint.” Neal almost expected him to continue with an _although_ but instead he leaned in to press his lips against his. Neal, who'd been preparing for rejection was tense for a moment before relaxing into it.

As he kissed back, breathy with a bit of that god damn desperation creeping back in, what Del had been saying started cloying in the back of his brain, specifically what it might mean.

Maybe he’d just worry about that later.  
    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this takes place in the early 90s/late 80s, and in the movie the characters definitely came across as ones who might be more...closety lets say, but I'm just sick to death of the whole 'W-what? homosexuality? I never...' schtick. It'll probably be addressed in the future, but for now I just kept it indirect and wrote what felt natural.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basicly a 'Pillow talk' chapter, going a bit into backstory. (And if I didn't tag something I should've, or messed up with something, please let me know)

“Of all the way I expected tonight to end, that wasn’t one of them.” Del said.

“Well it’s like you always say you gotta uh…roll with the punches.” Neal answered, almost disoriented.

“That’s go with the flow.” Del corrected, looking at him with concern. He’d since gotten up to use the bathroom and wrapped himself in a maroon robe to do so, but Neal hadn’t done much else besides lay there in bed with his ankles crossed, staring into space. “You uh…are you alright? You sorta look like you were just hit by a bus.”

“Ugh…it’s kinda been awhile.” Neal said, getting up to look for something to put on, not wanting to be the only naked one in the room.

“Not for me.” Del pointed out cheerily, and Neal groaned, flopping back next to him in a pair of pajama pants.

“Yeah, I remember Sadie, holy shit she was a piece of work.”

“Maybe, but she was fun.” Del pointed out, then frowning in realization. “Wait, what do you mean it’s been awhile? Is…is this technically cheating? Because-“

“It’s nothing like that, three months into our separation me and Nancy decided we could see other people. I guess I just didn’t know if I was ready. You know me, I’m picky.”

“I don’t think that’s accurate.” Del pointed out.

“What? You’re suddenly saying I’m not picky? You’re always making fun of me for it. Unless you meant…” he trailed off gravely. “Del you’re a handsome man and I’m very attracted to you, you shouldn’t short change yourself.”

“T-that isn’t what I meant but thank you.” He managed, turning a little red. “What I meant was…I kinda get it. It’s a little hard to move on after a long term relationship.”

“Yeah, but that can’t possibly be in the ballpark of what you went through.”

“I’m just saying I get it. After…well, you know…I tried getting back into things, but it just never took.”

“Tried to get back into things?” Neal asked cautiously.

“You know, get back on the horse. Let’s see, there was Janis, and Becca, and that one fella in Cincinnati, I think his name Leo…”

“Hold up, you’ve been with other guys?”

“A guy, is that an issue?

“I don’t know, it’s a little surprising.”

“I could say the same of you, you’ve clearly been around some shlongs and shmeckles in your time.”

“What? No I haven’t!...well yes, but I was in college.”

“…So you’re saying it somehow didn’t count…because you went college? Is that yet another benefit I can’t get from my time in trade school?”

Neal signed in exasperation. “Of course it counts, it’s just…it was the seventies, I was away from home for the first time and ended up doing some things I wasn't proud of, including some sexual exploits.”

“I honestly can't see that…you’re so clean cut.” Del said with surprise.

 “I had a bit of rough period, it was after I worked my ass off to get into college and I guess I was just…a little burnt out you know? So I fell into all of that, it was a nice to let go for once…until one day I just got scared I'd lose myself in it completely."

He sighed reminiscently, finding himself almost instinctively leaning against Del, who in turn put an arm around his shoulder. “Lose yourself?" He asked with concern.

"I don't know, I was raised strict and I guess that upbringing simply caught up with me. So I lumped it all together and put it behind me, focusing on college. For the longest time I just blamed the gay shit I’d done on the environment. As if it brought it out in me somehow.” He stared off into space as if momentarily he was somewhere else. “…Guess that wasn’t exactly the case.”

 “Maybe that’s how I feel about my encounter with that sort of thing, you know, in a way.” Del said after a moment, and Neal pulled away so he could face him, wordlessly encouraging him to continue.

 “After Marie died I just felt like I was in some great void. Lost and lonely and whenever anyone gave me the slightest bit of attention I’d run after it, with reckless abandon…after a while it was easier to stop telling people I was...well, you know, what exactly happened. To bend the truth.”

Both of them fell silent realizing they’d ebbed into uncomfortable territory, until Del broke tension with an awkward quip.

“So uh…I told you about my guy, you gotta fess up and tell me yours.”

“What are you talking about?” Neal said, feigning confusion.

“You know what I mean.” Del insisted, and Neal groaned in embarrassment as he buried his face in the collar of Del’s robe.

“…Please don’t make me, it’s humiliating.” He muttered.

“Come on, fess up.” He said with amusement, giving Neal’s shoulder an encouraging little shake.

Neal tusked helplessly. “He was a guy named Travis…but he went by Sunny D.”

Del started to laugh. “What, like the drink?”

“Yes...I think it had something to do with his god damn cologne. That’s the only thing I remember about him, that smell, it was this real citrusy smelling crap.”

 “…Christ, seriously?” Del said in amused disbelief. “You’re messing with me.”

Neal shrugged helplessly. “Wish I was. Like I said, it wasn’t exactly the best time for me.”

“…I’m starting to see that.” Del said, chuckling sympathetically.

Neal grinned at the absurdity of the situation.  “You know, I think it’s been almost twenty years since I told anyone about Sunny.”

“Must be nice to get it off your chest.”

“No actually, I was sorta hoping I could take it to my grave.”

“Well your secrets safe with me.” Del said as Neal stretched over to the room’s sole lamp on his nightstand and switched it off.

“That’s good to hear.” Neal said in a suspicious tone as he settled down into bed, only to hear a gleeful chuckle from Del after a moment of lying in the dark, to which sighed in dismay.

“…You aren’t going to let me live this down, aren’t you?”

“I said I wouldn’t tell anybody, didn’t say anything about that.” He said through laughter. “Sunny’s D? Does the d stand for-”

Neal had to laugh at that too, hitting Del in the dark before he could finish accidentally sending himself colliding into him. He didn’t bother to pull himself away again though, something pleasant about the way their laughter reverberated against each other’s. “Don't me so immature. That’s not what it meant…I assume.”

“You assume?” Del repeated.

“…Goodnight Del.” Neal said pointedly, despite the contradictory way he nestled comfortably against the other man.

“Hmph, ‘night.” Del relented, shifting a little so he could wrap his arms around the other man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

Del got to the apartment before Neal did once again the following night. He turned on the TV, and almost instinctively lit a cigarette as he waited. He’d been trying to quit lately, but he hadn’t shaken the habit of carrying them around and on the occasion something got on his nerve he couldn’t help but reach for one.

When he finally heard the key in the lock about a half an hour later he quickly snubbed out a second cigarette he’d been working on into an ashtray on the coffee table that for some unfathomable reason Neal had in his possession.

Neal looked at him almost with relief, as if he’d forgotten he was going to be there. “…You surprised me.”

“Forget I was going to be here again?” Del asked.

“For a moment there. It’s been a long day.”  He said as he shed his outer work layer, including his shoes in an almost defeated fashion. “But it’s over, finally over and done with.”

“I take it your talking about the divorce.” Del said carefully.

Neal gave a long sigh. “…I am, yes.” he padded over to the couch in his socked feet, collapsing next to Del. “Might’ve been finish yesterday but we ended up squabbling over a couple details.”

“You should’ve told me, I would’ve made you something special to get your mind off it.”

“Yeah, well I could do without any more casserole pity.” He said begrudgingly. “Speaking of which, I brought a casserole home this afternoon, if you want to help me eat it.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice it in the fridge. And you could do worse than pity casserole.”

“Well, this is more of an amnesty casserole really, Susan made it for me. She’s really intent on staying friends and all that.” He said with a noticeable tenseness.

“You don’t need to sound so resentful.”

“This divorce wasn’t my idea, I can sound resentful as I god damn please.” Neal griped. “Whose side are you on anyway?”

“I wasn’t aware I had to choose.” Del said, sounding almost hurt, making him back down on the question, which was a stupid selfish thing to say anyhow.

“I just would think we might be able to tough things out if we could still be friends, divorce being a last resort. At least for the kids, you know?” Neal said forlornly. “I was so intent on working less so I could be around for them more and now…I don’t know, I’m afraid this is gonna make things worse, drive more of a wedge between us. And I don’t know how I’m going to just get over that.”

He wasn’t looking at Del at the moment, but staring at the ceiling. Even as he gripped he felt a sense of gratitude for Del’s presence, looming in the corner of his eye and exuding a warmth that almost felt like it was trying to pull him in.

He looked down when he felt a hand briefly give his a squeeze, met with a sympathetic smile.

“I think we all think that at certain points...” Del offered helplessly. “You just gotta keep trucking and hope for the best.”

Del made a good point, not because he believed him but it brought attention to the fact he was griping about paying alimony when, hey…it could be worse. And he was glad Del was nice enough not to point that out.

But he couldn’t find the words to answer any of that seriously, so he smirked, knocking his leg against Del’s. “Now who giving the stupid look?” He chided before leaning forward so they were more eye to eye.

“What? No I wasn’t.” Del protested embarrassedly, voice soft. Neal winced a little at the cheesiness of what he’d said and was considering pulling away in defeat when Del shrugged, taking his hand and interlacing his finger's with Neal's. “Well maybe a little.”

“Is that right?” Neal muttered before kissing him even if it terrified him.

Because there was something about it that didn’t feel like the same as the night before, as if the time between now and then manifested something different between them. Once was a fluke, the second time around was more purposeful with a new kind of fear of rejection. It didn’t help that there was a kind of reluctance Del seemed to give off that made Neal tread carefully, watching for the slightest sign of resistance.

But still, Del kissed back, gathering him in his arms as if he’d fallen to pieces, and he supposed in a way he had because it made him feel somehow more complete. He shifted to Del’s lap, and drew away in concern when Del grunted a bit.

“Is-“

“No no, everything’s fine you just surprised me…it kinda nice actually.”

Neal smiled with relief as they continued to kiss.

and yet, it did scare him. Because he knew whatever was between them existed on borrowed time…this sort of thing always was with him. He never seeked it out and just dated woman, but it still managed to find him despite that.

He pulled away, laughing awkwardly. “I uh…I should put that casserole in.”

Del cleared his throat. “Yeah, you should probably do that.”

As he got up he noticed the cigarettes in the glass ashtray that the apartment’s last occupant had left, forgotten in the back of a cupboard. He’d meant to pass it along to someone who smoked but hadn’t gotten around to it yet.

“…Are those yours?”

“Sorry, I’ve just been a bit stressed, needed to take the edge off.”

“It doesn’t matter, the neighbors smoke anyway and it gets through the vents. I was more concerned about…I don’t know, someone breaking in.”

“What, just to smoke a couple of cigarettes?”

“You never know.”

“…So how does Nancy feel about that? The neighbor’s smoking I mean.” He said with concern. “She’s a bigger stickler then you.”

“She doesn’t like the kids being exposed to it, but she doesn’t make too much of a fuss because she knows it’s not like I have much of a choice.”

“I have been trying to quit.” He insisted. “Sometimes I slip up, but I am trying.”

“Well that’s good, I don’t like to be a pest but I do worry about you in that regard.” Neal called over his shoulder, not seeing the troubled look on Del’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I'll probably again update soon!


	8. Chapter 8

If Del was good at anything, it was appeasement: telling people what they wanted to hear, letting people see what they wanted to see even if it wasn’t exactly the truth.  Some might call him a pathological liar, but really that was a bit of a harsh description…he just didn’t like unpleasantness. And it usually worked out for him, aside from when it got him into messes like this one with Neal.

Not to be mistaken, he did like Neal, but that was the trouble: it made it that much easier to fall into that, the appeasement. Because for a second he believed it might be okay himself. Waking up for a couple mornings next to the man defiantly made a convincing argument for the case. He wasn’t exactly the type of fella he imagined he’d be with, he smelled and moved like the type of person who was worth a lot of money. While it intimidated him there something exotic about the man that intrigued him.

But still, it was a mess and he knew he needed to get out of it soon, and the passing of a week after the events had happened had done little to quell that worry.

“And be sure to tell your friends you got it at swiftly’s!” Del cheerily told a man as he waved him off the lot in a car he'd just sold him. I had been a good day, he’d managed to sell two cars, bringing him to a total of six that week. The owner was so impressed with him that he was having him go represent the dealership at an upcoming convention in New York next month.

There was a kid around eleven wandering somberly around the lot, who he recognized instantly as Neal Jr. He was getting big, and Del had to wonder if he had he somehow gotten bigger in the short time since he’d seen him.

“Hey champ, whacha doin?” He asked. “Your mom know you’re here?”

“I took the bus here from school, I didn’t want to go home just yet.”

“Why not, is everything alright?”

He kicked the tire of the nearest car. “Why’s this place called Swiftly’s? Does that have to do with the speed of the cars?”

Del had to smile a little at that. “…It was the name of the guy who owned the place. But don’t change the subject, did something happen at school?”

He shrugged. “I just didn’t want to go home. Dad’s at work so this is the first place I thought to go.”

“Well, I’m sure your mom won’t have a problem with you hanging out here for a little while, but I’m gonna give her a call to let her know alright?”

Junior practically growled in frustration at that. "Do you have to? She probably doesn't care."

 "Knowing your mom I think she might care a lot actually. It's just to let her know where you are, alright?"

\---

“He did? Oh god Del, I’m so sorry.” Susan said with dismay.

“Hey, It’s really no issue. I’m not doing anything important anyway.”

At that moment a man tapped against the glass of his office, his voice muffled as he said, ‘I’d like to look at a car!’

Del lifted his index finger in the man’s direction, flashing a smile.

“What was that?”  Susan asked.

“Oh, that was just a customer." He said, chuckling as he closed the blinds. "I mean, I am a little preoccupied but it’s really no problem with me if it’s no problem with you.”

She sighed with relief. “It’s no problem. It’s been an odd week, me and Neal finally settled everything and finalized the divorce and we've been...dealing with that."

“Yeah uh…he told me about that. It’s a sorry situation but I’m sure your both relieve to have it over and done with.”

He could hear her laugh over the phone, distorted and sad. “I would’ve thought you’d be more sympathetic towards Neal’s case, his side of things.”

Del bit his lip, considering telling her how Neal said as much, but the moment felt personal, and not all bad. Sure Neal had lashed out, but it was nice being able to talk him through it. It was a good moment, it felt wrong to sully it by joking about it with Susan. “…I don’t know, I’ve been a friend of the family for just about as long as I’ve known Neal, and him I don’t always see eye to eye.”

 “…So he’s told me. It’s good to hear you feel that way, I’d hate to lose that, especially when it comes to the kids. You’re like an uncle to them.”

“Well I’m always telling Neal I love spending time with them. They're great kids and I’m sure they’ll come to an understanding this was probably for the best.” He felt odd talking about this with Susan, almost guilty. As if he was the last person who should be say ‘hey I’m glad your marriage is over’ even if it was meant with the best intent.

“…Do you want me to take him home after my shift?” He said, trying to not guide the conversation too abruptly away from the subject.

“That’s alright, its Friday. Neal was going to swing by here around four to pick up the kids, I’ll just call and tell him to pick him up from there.”

“Right…that sounds, that sounds fantastic.” Del said, a kind of nervousness creeping into his gut.

Neal ended up coming a bit after three, look a little more haggard then usual.

“You're early.” Del greeted him, and he smiled wryly at that.

“I can be, once in a blue moon.” He said, shooting a look at his son who was working on something in the corner. “Hey Junior, what did we talk about going straight home after school?”

“Uncle Del didn’t mind.” He protested.

“That doesn’t matter, now wait in the car while we have a word.”

He gathered his things together and slipped outside, the closing of the door punctuated by Neal grimacing apologetically. “Thank you.” He said to Del.

“Don’t mention it. I’d offer to do it more often but I don’t know if you trust me enough to watch your kids.”

“Are you kidding? Of course.” Neal insisted. “Though we’ll be sure to call ahead of time or something.”

“And don’t worry, I’m not crass or swear or even smoke around them.” He joked.

At that last one Neal looked at him suspiciously. “…Did Susan say something about smoking? Because that’s not any of her business-“

“Didn’t say anything, just thought that would sound good.” Del added quickly. “…I take it you’re still a bit pissed at her huh?”

He shrugged, sighing. “Yeah, not quite past it.” he admitted.

“…But I haven’t had a cigarette since we talked.” Del insisted. “Either way, you don’t need to worry about it.”

“Well, if it comes to it you can just do it when the kids aren’t around.” He said with a shrug.

“I considered that, but I’m just not the kind of guy who can hid things for very long.” He said carefully, “…Or just do it every now and again.”

Neal looked at him for a long time, with eyes that looked like they were trying to get out of something. “…You’re not just talking about smoking anymore are you?”

Del laughed uncomfortably. “You uh…you catch on quick.”

“Shit…I fucking knew it.” He said, rubbing his face agitatedly, pacing a bit.

 “I know this is bad timing, it just slipped out.”

“But I knew you were gonna say it eventually. I just didn’t imagine…” He trailed off, not knowing whether it wanted to get really sad or really angry. “I thought I’d get more time before this happened.”

“…I know, sorry.” Del said helplessly.

“But why does it god damn matter? I assumed it wouldn’t even have to come to telling people."

“I guess I thought that too.” Del replied sympathetically. “But I’ve been really thinking about it the last week and the fact is I think I’m really starting to like you. More than just a one off every once in a while.”

“But…that’s just the way it is, isn’t it?” Neal protested confusedly.

“I know, and I’ve been wracking my brain to find a way around it…but I just don’t do affairs.”

“Affair?” Said Neal with annoyance.

“I can’t think of another word for something like this.” He said. “I mean…wouldn’t it be?”

Neal turned his stony face towards the window. “…I guess, if you want to be loose with the definition.”

“I don’t know, I figured it’d be better to end it now rather than later.” Del reasoned with a shrug. “…And hell, I figured it wouldn’t be too bad for you since, you know, this is probably a bit of a rebound thing anyway.”

“Right, thank goodness for that.” Neal replied bitterly, not looking at Del even though he could the man staring him down worriedly in the corner of his eye.

“…I was sorta expecting you to have some sort of reaction, to yell at me some more or something.”

“It’s fine.” He managed. Christ, the dumb inconsiderate fuck, why’d he’d have to do this now? With his kid waiting for him outside and everything.

“I just don’t want to ruin what friendship we have. And I mean, if this got out…well I wouldn’t want to mess things up for you more.”

“Well guess you’re not wrong there.” He relented, part of him actually agreeing that time. Because sex and lust was always something that made him a little stupid. He struggled for something clever to say, but the bastard had sprung it on him after all and he couldn't come up with anything. “…I ought to go.” He said lamely instead.

As he passed him to go out the door Del reached to pat Neal on the shoulder, but Neal gave him an icy look so he withdrew it, with an embarrassed smile.

“I’ll see you around then.” He called after him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting chapter 9 now also because this one...well it kinda had a harsh ending, and I didn't want to leave on that note for the week or so between posting chapters


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: Brief fighting violence in this this chapter. (Just Neal being a dumbass and running his mouth to the wrong stranger, but I thought I'd mention it)

**A month later**

“You seem in less of a hurry to go home than usual.” John commented after they got out of their meeting. Aside from being a month earlier it felt similar to that fateful thanksgiving week in November several years ago: same city, similar company, talking to the same co-worker afterwords but it felt like some bizzaro alternate universe. One where all he had was a cold and empty apartment to come back to instead.

“No point, I don’t have the kids until the day after tomorrow.” He said glumly.

“Christ, that’s right.” He said, rolling his eyes. “Sorry. How’d the divorce go by the way? You haven’t talked much about it.”

“Uh…amicably.” He said after a moment of thought, not bothering to hide the bitterness in his voice, despite the fact it wasn’t about Susan anymore. Then again it wasn’t not about her, they’d made their peace, but he was still feeling adrift these days.

John chuckled smugly.  “What did I tell you?” He said. “I’d offer to buy you a drink but I actually have to run myself.”

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Neal answered as they parted ways.

He didn’t have a flight until eight so he decided to walk a bit down the road from the towering building where his meeting was held. He ended up finding himself at a little Irish pub type place he usually didn’t go for but for some reason he was drawn to it tonight. Eventually, after siting for a while with his beer at the counter it occurred to him why he’d chosen it.

Maybe it was the particular day or maybe it was because he missed the man in general, but some time ago Del had dragged to a place like this in Chicago. It was shortly after they’d met, some time in the late winter rather than mid fall. But it felt the same: dreary and wet, just on the cusp of the snowy season. He’d been miserable then too, but it was a different kind of miserable. One that was shallow and temporary.

He was on his third drink, busy feeling sorry for himself when some loud mouth with his friend siting next to him at the bar started getting on his nerve.

“Christ, do you ever shut up you dumb fuck?” He said without really thinking about it.

The man turned to him with a dawning fury. “The fuck did you just say to me pal?”

“I said to shut your mouth, there are people here who want to drink in peace.”

“Well I want to be able to afford a decent apartment, but assholes like yourself shortchange guys like me.”

“It’s not my god damn fault you’re a fuck up.” Neal spat out.

\---

Del was sharing a drink with some friends he’d made at the dealership convention he’d attended that day when a commotion erupted on the other side of the bar. One of his new friends scoffed a little after glancing over briefly.

“…Feels like every other day some stuck-up jerk in a monkey suit stirs up trouble here. Why don’t they just go to that prissy little cocktail bar up the street?”

The crowd shifted briefly and Del saw a flash of of gray hair, accompanied by Neal familiar angry bark.

“Shit, I think I know that stuck-up jerk.” Del said getting up. “I should deal with this.”

“Don’t bother, it better just let them learn for themselves.”

“Yeah, but I promised his wife I wouldn’t let him get into trouble.” He shouted over his shoulder, the excuse coming easy as he started making a path through the other bar patrons.

By the time he got to Neal he was crouched over and holding his face, the man who’d punched him withdrawing his fist from it.  Before he could say anything Neal started to reciprocate the blow so he had to quickly intervene. He might've not been successful, but Neal noticed him and it must've distracted him because he faltered. 

“Whoa, I think someone ought to call it a night.” He said, putting a hand on Neal's shoulder and attempted to guide him towards exit. “On behalf of my friend I apologize.”

“Don’t apologize for me, what the hell are you even doing here?” Neal slurred indignantly, scrambling away as he swiped at his bleeding lip.

“You're friends with this guy?” The man said, fired up now. His new acquaintances had briefly introduced him earlier when he'd come into the bar, some guy named Daniel.

“Unfortunately, yes. It was good meeting you Danny.” Del said before placing an arm around Neal’s shoulder again in a second attempt to urge him away, which he allowed this time. “Come on, let’s go.”

Once out in the frigged evening air, Neal leaned against the painted cinder-block outside wall of the bar to gain his bearings. The air carried the familiar almost undefinable smell of fall turning over into winter, and  It wasn't too far into in the season that it still evoked a long lost feeling or memory that he always swore if he tried hard enough he could grasp.

"You alright?"

Through his foggy thoughts he realized Del had been watching him with concern. He groaned embarrassingly, pushing off the wall.

"Yeah, fine." He said, and they started to walk, Neal sullen with his hands in his pocket as Del continuing to shoot concerned glances at him.

 “Thank you.” Neal said finally, partially to stop the looks. “I don’t know what happened.”

“That scary side of you must’ve reared its ugly head. Been a long day?”

“I don’t know, I guess…”

“Its what you do, you get tired and turn into a grumpy goose. Why don’t we get some coffee in you alright? I bet that’ll help.”

“I suppose.” Neal said, continuing to walk but he felt a hand grab his elbow.

“Sorry, I-I meant here.” He said, referring to a diner they were about to pass.

The place warm and inviting, thought at the moment it went against the grain of how Neal really felt like feeling right now, like one of those dreams where everything was too bright.

“…What are you even doing in New York?” Neal asked, but a waitress interrupted the conversation to served them coffee. She asked Neal if he wanted an ice pack for his lip, and despite Neal waving it off Del insisted otherwise.

"...He got in a bit of a scuffle. You should see the other guy." Del said good naturedly.

"I'll bet," The waitress replied giving him a look of admiration before she left which Neal reciprocated with a tight smile.

“But as I was about to say, I was at the big dealership convention. didn’t I tell you about…” Del laughed sheepishly. “I guess we haven’t talked for a while.”

“I kept meaning to call but the moment never seemed right.” Neal said guiltily."...I missed you though."

"Hey, I did too I just...I figured you wanted your space." Del answered.

“Your timing today was good, even if I hadn’t pissed off bonehead O’Malley I was well on my way to drunksville.Tell me…” He continued, looking out the window contemplatively. “Do you think I could turn into that guy?”

The waitress came back around with the ice pack, which he accepted with a nod.

“What guy, the guy in the bar you mean…?”

“No, a boozer I mean. Who does nothing but drink and work?” He shrugged. “…And eventually just drink?”

“Do you want the honest answer or the nice one?”

“Just give it to me straight doc.” Neal insisted.

“I think you try too hard. You push and push until you break so…yeah, I can see it.”

Neal sighed. “Was afraid you we’re gonna say that.”

“Don’t get me wrong, you’re a great guy, you just wear yourself too thin sometimes.”

Neal grimaced. “Thank you.” He answered. "For being honest I mean."

“…Sure.” Del said, voice tinged with confusion.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said and uh…” He shrugged. “I think you were right.”

“About what?”

Neal fidgeted. “The reason we haven’t really talked for a month?”

 “Oh that, uh…” He looked around. “Do you really think this is the best place to talk about that?”

“Who gives a shit?” Neal said, as he gestured in emphasis.

“Well clearly you don’t. I think you might still be a little drunk…” He said critically. “Besides, if I’m right why even bring it up again?”

“That’s not what I mean. And it doesn’t matter if I’m a bit drunk, I’ve been thinking about this for a while.” Neal snapped exasperatedly. “I mean…you were right not to want what we were doing, and I was wrong to just expect that would be it and I'd just…not give a shit about it.” He laughed helplessly. “Because I do give a shit. That sort of thing always end up tearing me up to bits.”

Del winced looking around embarrassedly. “I thought we agreed it wasn’t such a good idea, l don't want to complicate things for you further, especially if Susan doesn’t like it…”

“That’s the thing, if Susan would go for anyone I decided to date, it’d be you. I say fuck it if that wasn't the case, but the fact is everyone likes you so much..." he laughed helplessly. "...Including me really."

Del smiled a little at that, expression softening. "There was a time when you didn't." he kidded.

"Well let's just say I came around." Neal said helplessly, reaching over the table for his hand despite the fact he was aware he was defiantly getting looks at that point. “I don’t know if I can go back to just being friends…I’m crazy about you, and I think I have been for a long time."

Del gave his hand a squeeze of solidarity. “I’m uh…I’m pretty crazy about you myself.”  He glanced around the diner before muttering: “…Apparently enough to not let you look like a fool alone.”

Neal grimaced, though he looked pleased. “You want to get out of here?”

“I need to catch a flight home anyway.” He said as Neal dispensed a couple of bills on the table after they got up.

“Hey, same here.” Neal remarked as they left.

\---

“So did you mean that in there?” Neal asked when they were outside and walking away, the street lights illuminating the drizzle that was starting to fall. He felt fatigued after the show he pulled off.

“What do you mean?” Del said with confusion.

“…you weren’t really just trying to help me save face?” Neal asked cautiously. “I mean, you’re so nice, it does seems like something-“

Del stepped forward, taking him in his arms, and Neal trailed off. “You callin’ me a liar?”

Neal shrugged. “…I just want to know what you really want.”

“Well I’d like to take it slow of course, but if you’re so willing to give it a shot...I guess I am too.”

Neal grinned at that as they kissed, holding a little tighter to Del than usual. The combination of beer and standing in the middle of the light foot traffic which were had to go around them was disorienting and unsteadyed him. He knew they were probably in the way but the moment was so perfect he didn’t really care for once.

"Christ, get a room.” A man grumbled as he passed them.

They broke apart, laughing helplessly together.

“So…home?” Del asked simply, and in his voice home didn’t just mean home, but ‘home’.

“Sure, let’s go home.” Neal said, filled with a warmth he hadn’t had when he’d arrived in the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! ( I might do an epilogue eventually, but honestly it doesn't feel like the end of the world if I don't because it does feel finished to me) If you liked it, be sure to kudo!


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